Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] It's welcome back to another edition of Unleashed Athletics with Brian Vaughn. I'm your host and I couldn't be more excited about today's episode. Episode number ten. We've made it. We're double digits into this thing. Some of you are tuning in for the very first time and others of you, you guys are listening to your 10th episode and no matter what, I just want to say thank you. This has been a ton of fun. I hear it everywhere I go that they've listened to my podcast and I just think that's the coolest thing. So thanks for engaging with me. Thanks for the feedback. And we're going to continue to get better at this, but we're going to continue to have difficult conversations along the way. I hope some of it's been inspiring as well. I hope the inspiration really does feed the soul and allows you to go be a better parent, a better coach, a better administrator, a better family member, to be honest with you. But that's my hope and desire. By all means. That is what I want to see happen for each and every one of you. And I am hopeful that those things are happening for you. So here's today. I am so excited about today because today we're going back to parents and parents, I'm a little bit tougher on you guys. And part of that reason is you can make or break a situation. You can make an environment a good one and you can make an environment a bad one. And I want to hone in on the fact that you have a responsibility to make sure that the opportunity that your kid receives, you play a part in that. And when you play a part in that, you have a responsibility behind it. And I just think that this conversation ought to be helpful for every parent that's out there. So let me be clear in starting that the water cooler talk has to stop the behind the bench, the in the stands talk that is happening all the time amongst parents and trusted families. Of course, you're going to get in your little groups and you're going to start talking and those conversations are becoming regular. Those things need to be positive conversations and not negative.
[00:02:15] And when it's not, you are slowly pulling away the team. You are slowly creating a divide that is not fun for anybody. And while you think it's not a big deal, it's a huge deal. You grab one, then they grab one, and before you know it, there is a mob of parents ready to explode every time something doesn't go right.
[00:02:43] And that's not what it's there for this is not your time to step up on your soapbox and make sure your voice is heard because you don't like the way things are being ran. You don't like the player that's out in the field.
[00:02:58] You don't like that your son or daughter doesn't play enough.
[00:03:04] We got to change it. It's got to be something different.
[00:03:08] So really, what I want to talk about today are four things. No, let's make it five. Five things that you really need to be focused on as a parent in the stands. And it's not really just focused on. It's understanding what's happening in the stands.
[00:03:28] So, number one, and we already really hit on it, so I won't talk much more, but you are creating a divide amongst the team. There are parents that are going to be happy. There are going to be parents that are going to be mad. And if you're a part of the mad group, you have just divided the team in half or whatever the numbers might be, but you are separating yourselves from the ones that are enjoying this opportunity from the ones that are not enjoying it, and you are pulling people in to be a part of that circumstance with you. And I just think, just stop. Just don't do it. Choose something else to talk about, but do not divide and conquer so that half the team hates the coach. It's not the right thing to do.
[00:04:15] It's not. No matter how many times I look at it, it's not the right thing to do. Stop thinking that. If you find the people that will listen to you complaining that it must be okay that you're having that conversation. Just stop it. We got to find something else to talk about. Number two, just because your son or daughter isn't playing doesn't mean you need to tear down a coach or another player. And what I mean by that is I hear this all the time and it drives me crazy. If little Billy is out in the field and your son is on the bench, little Billy gets a ground ball hit to him and he bobbles it.
[00:04:58] Your immediate reaction is, my son wouldn't have made that mistake. My son would have been pulled out of the game if he made a mistake like that. Why isn't Billy getting pulled out of the game for making a mistake like that? There's a double standard here. Maybe they don't like my kid, but this isn't fair. And it's like, no, stop it. Stop it. That's not the way it works.
[00:05:21] Stop building a story in your head that you believe is true. When it's not.
[00:05:28] I mean, just listen to that. Could you imagine that every time you made a mistake in work, you got pulled, you got moved down, you got demoted because you made a mistake.
[00:05:40] Of course, that doesn't happen, and you would be even more livid if that happened to you. But playing the comparison game of my son would never make that mistake. My daughter would never make that mistake. Why do they keep letting her make that mistake? You're not looking at the full picture when you say things like that. You are acting out of emotion.
[00:06:04] You are acting in circumstance rather than seeing it for what it is.
[00:06:11] And I don't like it. I don't like it. And if you were a coach of a team, if you were the parent of that player who did boot the ball, there's just no circumstance where that's necessary, and it's going to help you.
[00:06:26] We just have to stop with trying to tear people down along the know, on the coaching side of things. You put little Billy out there, he makes the mistake, and of course he put little Billy out there. Billy's his favorite. It goes straight to the favor conversation. Billy can make as many mistakes as he wants, and Billy still plays. He's coach's favorite. No other person would do that. And it's like, no, you're not seeing the whole thing. You're not understanding that these are difficult decisions that we have to make. And when those things don't go well, that's on us. Yeah, we put somebody out there and they made a mistake. But, man, we are not doing it to hurt your son or daughter.
[00:07:11] They are doing it with an intention of trying to grow every single person. And maybe they're better than your son or daughter. Let me say that again for you out there. Maybe they are better than your son or daughter.
[00:07:27] And maybe that stings. Maybe that doesn't feel good that you're hearing an honest assessment of where your son or daughter stands, but it doesn't make it wrong. It's okay.
[00:07:39] But stop thinking that they're after your kid, because they're not. Coaches don't get paid enough to go after your kid. It's just not a real thing. Okay, number three, I read something maybe a year ago, and I wish I could find it. I couldn't find it, but here's what it said. It said you spend so much time on the weekends and the weekdays with these families that they should become your best friends.
[00:08:06] The families who you're competing with for a position so that your son or daughter could play should be your best friends because of the amount of time that you spend with them. And part two to that conversation was this. Your marriage should be stronger than ever because of the amount of time that you get to spend at games and practices with your significant other.
[00:08:35] Spend time doing those things instead of being worried about why Billy's playing over your son, why little Amy's playing over your daughter. Instead of that, go build friendships on the side. Say, you know, you have a group of people who care for you, who care for your son or daughter, who want to see you thrive. And then part two to that is you strengthen your relationship.
[00:09:03] Strengthen your relationship with your significant other. During that time. You make sure that they are the most important person to you all the time. That means you're talking with them, you're listening to them, and you're doing the work that's needed. Instead of pacing back and forth wondering why little Billy's not playing, focus on what you can control.
[00:09:28] Your marriage is so incredibly important for that son or daughter that is on the field playing.
[00:09:36] Strengthen that.
[00:09:38] Watch them when they get off the field and they see you laughing with all your friends, your new friends, because they're all important to you. Watch how important that is to them because they're going to be joy filled when they step off the field and you're having a good time as well. Not worried about whether or not they scored a goal. They went three for four. They didn't pitch. They didn't pitch well. They didn't get a chance to play their favorite position. They struck out three times. No, they just see you enjoying the moment. They need to see those things all the time. Okay, number four, there is so much to celebrate all the time when it comes to sports. And with this world being as negative as it is, we need to find the things to celebrate and not fall victim to the negative connotation that's out there all the time. We have to get out of that mindset of the world is trying to take away from me and I won't let it do it. We have to get into the mentality of I am so fortunate that my son or daughter gets to play this game with a group of people who we chose to try out with and make a team and be a part of that team. Man, are we fortunate. And then every little thing that your son or daughter gets to do, man, isn't it great that they got to play for half the game, for the entire game, for the entire weekend, for only one game, the weekend. But man, are we fortunate that that opportunity was given to us. We have to flip the script a little bit. We have to stop playing the victim card and we'll get into this conversation later. But I have a theory about COVID And since COVID the victim mentality that we've played as parents, as coaches, as athletic directors, so on and so forth, we played this victim card and it's time to throw it out the window. And that same thing is true to the way that you're acting towards officials, towards coaches, towards the players that are playing ahead of your son or daughter. Let's throw away the victim card and let's move forward.
[00:11:47] Let's knock it off. Let's stop finding that the world is after us all the time and let's start presenting as though, man, are we fortunate for the opportunity.
[00:12:00] It is critical that we get there.
[00:12:03] It is absolutely critical that we start to change our mental mindset to enjoying the opportunity that we get. Rather than always sticking up for, always fighting against the decisions that are being made.
[00:12:23] We just got to be different. We really do. And here's the final thing, number five.
[00:12:30] If you are so enraged by what is going on within the team, you need to walk away.
[00:12:39] Because I guarantee when perspective is brought later on, when you do finally have a conversation, you wasted a ton of energy.
[00:12:50] You will have wasted a ton of energy that could have been spent on making more friends, strengthening your relationship. You could have been doing all those things, but instead you got so enraged, you were so focused in on things that don't matter that you lost sight of the things that could fill you for the week. I think about those long weekend tournaments, that volleyball and baseball and soccer, they all have to play those games. And rather than you being focused in on how can I make this a great weekend so I'm prepared for another week ahead. You decided you were going to be so enraged that you couldn't even enjoy the moment. So walk away. And if walking away is not good enough, go find another team. Don't continue to do it, because if you do, like I said in number one, you're going to divide the team up. Now you've got angry parents and happy parents, so you might as well have blown up the team anyway at that point.
[00:13:47] And if you're going to blow up the team, just walk away. Don't be a part of it anymore. But for you to have to justify every time your kid's not playing, for you to be so angry or so upset that you can't continue to enjoy the moment and be with your husband or wife or your significant other, whatever that might be, you're missing it.
[00:14:10] You're missing the opportunity to enjoy something that will be memories for a lifetime because you thought 14 year old baseball was the end, all because you thought JV volleyball was going to be the scholarship opportunity for your daughter. And it's not. It's just not.
[00:14:29] If your kid's good enough, they're going to go play and if they're not good enough, it's going to come to an end. I just heard a stat the other day. If you started playing sports when you very beginning, let's call it four or five years old, you have a zero two chance of going to the pros two. That is a ludicrous number.
[00:14:56] But you're going to be so enraged that you can't enjoy the moment.
[00:15:01] That's crazy. That's crazy. Stop thinking your kids are pros. Some of you might have pro kids, that's great. But stop thinking that and just start enjoying the moment so you can be present with your family, with your friends and your kids and they can see the joy that they bring to you by playing the sports that they love to play. I think that's all I have for this week. It's a lot like I'm calling you out. I wish I could go into the stands and rate fans and give you a card at the end that said, how'd you do? Well, here you go. This is how you guys did today and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, right? And I would do the same thing for coaches and officials as well. I really wish I had that opportunity actually, because you guys would be embarrassed at the scores that you would get. And I think that would help you understand how important it actually is for you to be a part of this team in a positive light. But parents for this week, this is your call out. Spring sports all across are getting underway right now. That's a lot of opportunities for parents to be culture keepers. You keep the culture. You don't fight against the culture. You have an opportunity to do that today, this week, this month, this season, this year. You can choose to be a part of that or you can run for the hills and do what the world's telling you to do, which is be pessimistic and just not be a very positive person overall. You can find all the complaints you want in the world or you can follow culture. And I choose culture every time. This world is filled with the doom and gloom and I'm not going to be a part of it. And I don't want you to be a part of it either. And that's what I'm going to leave you with. Stop being a part of the doom and gloom and let's go after it with positivity so that your kids love their experience every single time. That is the message for this week. So thankful that you guys continue to watch. I hope you heard clearly. I'll ask for feedback on Facebook this this week. I'm sure you'll have plenty to say to me, but as always, thank you for listening. This has been another edition of Unleashed Athletics with Brian Bond. Episode number ten. Can't wait to keep going with you. We'll see you next week. Go do the work.
[00:17:21] Bye.
