Episode Transcript
[00:00:07] Welcome back to another edition of Unleashed. I'm your host, Brian Bonn. Excited about another great topic. I have loved the feedback that I have received. It's been so much fun to hear from everyone. But please know I'm listening and I try to respond to everybody. One thing that I'll ask of you that would help me tremendously hit the like button, hit the share button. Let's get this out to as many people as possible so that we're spreading this word. I think these conversations are important and a lot of the conversations are really coming because of you and what you've been through. So with that said, it's all about the conflict of private coaches and your team coaches. And I would say this is a tough, tough topic. Most everyone is super opinionated when it comes to this topic. I am not doing this to create controversy. You need to know that I have been on both sides of this. I have been a private instructor. I have been a head high school coach. I've been an athletic director. I have done the gamut of different things. What I learned along the way is what I'm going to hope to press in today. But if you feel like I'm swaying one way or another, I would say I have no desire to do that. I see value in both of these things. And I do think that there is a conflict that occurs because adults aren't really doing what they need to be doing. So with that said, the hope by the end of this is that we would have a different perspective on how they can coexist. And really how we need to understand that the egos of adults are in the heart of this conversation.
[00:02:00] And I told you, you're not going to like it. But egos oftentimes are the reason why we get in the way of kids being the most successful that they could possibly be. And we need to remove those egos. We need to get back to the fact that the reason why we're doing this, yes, it may be to be making a living, it may be because this is your passion and your drive. But at the end of the day, this is about student athletes and their opportunity to become the best version of themselves.
[00:02:36] So with coaches and private coaches, I want to start very, very clearly. They both matter. And I get it. One, one of them, you pay a lot more money for, you pay for their expertise, you pay for where they've been and how well they did at that level. And the other one, they orchestrate the team. They decide who is going to make up that lineup card, who's going to be playing in that game. And the way that you treat those coaches could dictate whether or not you're on a lineup card or you're starting for that team. Whatever sport we're talking about, the problem or the conflict that occurs is really this.
[00:03:20] When the coach of that team asks you to do something and you're unwilling to do it because your private coach says your coach is no good, just do what I'm telling you to do. Conflict arises, and now us parents or us student athletes have a decision to make. And that decision is whether or not you are going to listen to the coach in the moment or if you're going to say, my private instructor told me, dot, dot, dot in front of the entire team. And now emotions start to rise.
[00:03:57] This is not a fair situation for students to be put in, and it's not a fun situation for anybody to be put in. But I feel like that is where the, the crux of the issue occurs is either your private coach is saying, don't listen to your coach, he has no idea what he's doing. Or the head coach of that team is saying, if you're going to listen to that private coach, you might as well go find a new team, rather than both of them saying, we should probably connect with that coach and have a conversation so I can better understand his perspective, her perspective on this entire situation. Again, not an easy one, but it's something that has to be done. We've talked about communication in previous episodes, and really, it's going to come back to communication today because if the parents are trying to get that private instructor and their head coach together so that understanding is occurring, I think life gets a lot easier.
[00:05:04] Again, I really do struggle with the idea that adults don't communicate well with one another. That is a struggle for me. But at the same time, I understand that families are always trying to do what's best for their kids, and by giving them the opportunity to go to a private instructor and giving them the opportunity to play on the very best team, when those conflicts arise, they're not prepared to have that conversation because they didn't know it was going to happen in the first time. But that doesn't excuse the fact that we should be getting in on that conversation as quickly as possible. So really, if we're going to utilize this idea of a private instructor and a head coach that coaches at a high level, um, parents, the very first thing you need to do is ask for them to have a conversation so that they're getting on the same page of what your student athlete is being taught off the field in a private environment. And then coaches or parents asking the coach, what are you expecting them to do while they're on the field? And that is something that we have to continue to press into. The second thing is really for the student athlete. The student athlete, you need to remember that. You need to be adaptable. It's one of the greatest strengths that you can learn in being an athlete is sometimes a coach is going to ask you to do something that you don't agree with and you just got to go do it. You might not understand why, you might not understand the what, but if a coach asks you to do something, you shouldn't be questioning it in that practice. Now, I'm. I'm not to going telling you not to question ever. I think after a practice it's totally okay to go up to them and say, coach, help me understand why you made me do such and such. But in the moment, do what a coach is asking you to do, and then ask them the questions afterwards.
[00:07:03] The wrong thing to do in that situation. Just so we're clear, roll the eyes. Give him one of these when he tells you to go do something or start slumping your shoulders. Like, I can't believe he asked me to do something like that. Argue with him in front of the entire team.
[00:07:23] That result will be so poor every single time. A coach will not appreciate you acting that way in that moment. Your posture should look exactly the same whether you like it or not. He is giving you an opportunity to go do something. You should go and do it to the very best, your ability. The third thing that I would say, and it's for the coaches of teams, is you gotta humble yourself. You might learn something. And I get it. That's a scary thought of these 14 to 18 year olds or nine to 14 year olds or nine to 18 year olds. Whatever age group you want to look at, they might tell you something and you might totally have an aha moment if you're willing to listen.
[00:08:12] If you're just telling kids when you're on the team, it'll be done my way. You're not there for the right reasons.
[00:08:20] This is a great reminder that we as coaches should never be done learning.
[00:08:26] We need to listen, we need to understand, and we need to learn. At the end of the day, we are supposed to be mentors to these athletes and we're supposed to be helping them become the best versions of themselves in a team environment. We shouldn't be telling them it's my way or the highway. We should be engaging in useful conversations that help us understand that athlete better and what they're wanting to do and then making decisions for our team that is in the best interest of the team as a whole. But how do we combine those things together so that you get the best version of that athlete? Each and every day they show up. The fourth thing is for private coaches, right? So we've talked about athletes, we talked about parents, we've talked about coaches, and now we're talking about the private coaches.
[00:09:21] Really, the four people that are going to be intertwined into a student athlete's life. This is a little bit humbling for me as well, but please stop thinking that we have the secret recipe.
[00:09:33] I get that so many of us have played at high levels and have learned from specialty coaches and feel like we have something that no one else has.
[00:09:46] I'm going to tell you this. Take it or leave it. But it's time to show your cards. Stop holding them to your chest.
[00:09:55] Show your cards, reveal them. And I'm not telling you to give the entire philosophy away of what you do. What I'm telling you to do is to open your cards up so that they can see a glimpse into what you're doing. I personally believe that if you do that, coaches are going to begin to respect you. And when they respect you, you're going to get more business.
[00:10:21] You are going to have them asking you questions when they don't know where to turn. You are going to have them sending their other players to you when your athletes are having success.
[00:10:35] And most importantly, you're going to make coaches better at the thing that they love to coach because you are a specialty coach in a specialty area.
[00:10:46] But stop holding it so tight. Stop thinking that you can't have a conversation with a coach ahead of time to just say, this is what me and Billy are doing during his hitting lesson. This is what me and Erica are doing during the soccer lesson. Stop thinking that we are breaking away and thinking that we are so incredibly special that we can't share it with anybody. When our communication improves, I believe your bottom line will improve as well. And again, this is coming from somebody who has been in the private world. I have done lessons from 03:00 to 09:00 p.m. Every single day, Monday through Sunday, and I have seen a lot of success teaching what I teach. But if I were willing to share that information with coaches along the way so that they knew what we were doing with that athlete, he would not be or she would not be coaching them as strictly as they do sometimes or as firmly as they do sometimes because they know that they are going to go get great coaching afterward. And I believe that's what we need to hear, is that there will be trust built because communication is better than it's ever been. And when trust is built, your business becomes more lucrative.
[00:12:07] So again, I don't know if this is sitting well with people or not, but it had to be said.
[00:12:14] Parents, you need to get your private instructor and your coach together to have a quick conversation of what's being taught. That way they know you're seeing a private instructor. And number two, that those people are working together for the best interests of your student athlete. The second thing is athletes, you need to be adaptable. You are going to hear things that you don't agree with or that your instructor doesn't teach you. And you should do those things in the moment. Your attitude should not change because they might be teaching something different than what you're used to.
[00:12:48] After practice, have a conversation of why you're doing what you're doing, but in the moment, remain flexible, remain adaptable, do the best that you can possibly do. Third is for coaches. You gotta humble yourself. There are great private instructors out there and you should be learning from them. You should be seeing them, you should be talking with them so that when somebody needs help and you don't have the time to help, you can send them in a direction that makes the most sense for that student to be the very best that they can be at the game that they love. And then finally, private coaches, we just talked about it, but your business could become more lucrative if you open the lines of communication and you stop holding your cards so tightly to your chest.
[00:13:38] Show them, have a conversation with them, be in relationship with them and watch your business grow.
[00:13:45] At the end of the day, I need you to hear this.
[00:13:49] Our job is to take care of student athletes. You should have a high desire to make them better at the sport that they love and give them the tools to be the very best that they can be. Parents, coaches, private coaches. You need to work together so that the communication is so great that you know that all parties involved are trusted with that student athlete. When those communication barriers break down, more trouble is on the way. Student athletes are going to get hurt because of your lack of desire to be in communication with one another. I have seen it personally and it is not fun when you can see somebody who is hanging on and all of a sudden the hamstring blows, the ankle rolls, their body so fatigued that they hurt so bad that they can't even play that day. Because lack of communication is occurring, we have to engage in the difficult conversation so that our athletes are being the very best versions of themselves on a daily basis.
[00:15:02] Coaches, athletes, parents.
[00:15:07] I get it. This is a tough world to navigate. But I'm telling you, if communication is the only barrier that is there, that is stopping you from taking an athlete from good to great. What an easy thing to do. What an easy thing to do to allow them to have the opportunity to be the very best that they can be. It's time to start opening our mouths. It's time to start being positive for all that you have in front of you, all those coaches, all those trainers, and then obviously moms and dads, all that you do for your student athlete. We need to find the positives in these things and stop looking to point the finger at one another along the way. You guys are all valuable. It's how I opened and how I'm going to close. Every single person is valuable in this conversation. But if we're going to do that conversation well, we have to be willing to talk to one another about what we are doing to make the student athlete the very best version that they can be. So, parents, do the work. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Athletes, do the work. You do what your coaches ask you to do and ask questions later. Coaches, humble yourself. And private coaches, open those cards up. Let the world see. Watch your business become more lucrative. Thanks for watching episode number four. It's always great to hear from you guys. Please, please, please share this. Let other people hear it. I'm so thankful for all that you've done to get this thing off the ground. And so excited for more episodes to come. Don't forget, every Monday, new episodes on Apple iTunes. We're on Spotify, and you can see all our Facebook, social media posts in general. But Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, we're all over the place and thankful that you're following along. I'm Brian Bonn. I'm your host. Go do the work.
